


Cardigan

by dothenaomicampbellwalk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Olympic Games 2021, Post-Time Skip, Slow Burn, not proof read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26177803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dothenaomicampbellwalk/pseuds/dothenaomicampbellwalk
Summary: The eternal thought of a boy with orange hair and a smile that outshines the sun itself.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Yachi Hitoka
Comments: 15
Kudos: 82





	Cardigan

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing Hinayachi. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do!
> 
> (The lyrics are from Cardigan by Ma'am Taylor Swift)

_“And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.”_

A strong and determined voice echoes through the office giving orders and recommandations for the day. A couple years ago, no one, including Hitoka herself, would’ve believed it if they were told she would be leading a team in Sendai’s biggest graphic designer company. But now, Hitoka is listened to, feared and respected. Being the CEO’s daughters helps in the feared and respected department, of course. But at some point she had to be more assertive, more like her mother. Hitoka wishes she took the initiative to be like Madoka when she was still in high school, when she absolutely needed to be confident and feared and respected. If it happened then, maybe she wouldn’t be in her current predicament.

Her nails (fake, because she bites on them and her hands look like a stressed twelve year old’s) type at the speed of light on her keyboard an important email for important matters related to the company. She doesn’t have much time creating now that she’s in a leading position, but she doesn’t complain. She cannot complain, she’s so lucky to have a secured job at 25, and being on the staff covering the Tokyo Olympics advertisements. It’s just that she wishes she could have it all. She’s not greedy, she really isn’t. Having it all would be leading, creating, and loving one Hinata Shouyou continuously and breathtakingly. She chose not to have it all when she accepted to be promoted to a leading position (more money meant a better apartment in a better location), and she chose not to have it all that mystical weekend with _him_ when, instead, she chose to have part of it. She types at the speed of light and the clicking sound steadies her mind, taking her away from drowning in the eternal thought of a boy with orange hair and a smile that outshines the sun itself. It steadies her mind and helps her focus on things she can do right now. Answer emails, read an important file, read Yamaguchi’s text from two days ago. If she doesn’t focus, she thinks of Hinata’s lips on hers and the way his strong arms enveloped her petite silhouette in the darkness of her bedroom and how he made her feel oh so very alive. She can’t think of his calloused and yet delicate hands sliding down her body like a river falling down a hill, hot from the burning sun. She can’t think of his silky voice and soft lips chanting her name like a mantra. But she does every day and every day she finds herself more and more pathetic.

When Hinata came back from Brazil and won with the Jackals against the Adlers and had the time of his life, it was like he was possessed by a higher power making him the brightest light in every room and and Hitoka was like a lost butterfly completely drowned to him. So she followed the light, it was warm and life-changing, and it burned her wings eventually. She knew what was coming, she knew Hinata wouldn’t stay in Japan and that a relationship was off the table. He warned her. “ _You and I, it feels so right_ ”, and then “ _I wish we could stay like this for even just one more day_ ”, and finally “ _I hope to see you again, Yachi-san. Take care of yourself_ ”.And she doesn’t blame him but herself. He told her he would leave the next week and that one weekend drinking and making love in the gloom of her apartment was all she would ever get from him. That’s what Hitoka does, she takes and takes and feels empty and takes some more because she knows she will never have it complete.

She takes a look at her phone during lunch break to catch up with Yamaguchi and the blood leaves her face as she read his text.

_Hinata is coming back this Saturday. We should do something to celebrate!!!_

Yes, they should. She knows they should because if they don’t throw a big party for Hinata it would be weird and if she doesn’t go it will be as weird and she doesn’t want people to ask questions.

_Yes, definitely._

_I’ll let you handle it. I’m so busy with the Olympics stuff._

_No problem. Have a nice day, Yachi!_

She knew Hinata would be back soon enough to practice with the National team for the Olympic Games, it just seems so early. She didn’t have time to anticipate. She sighs deeply and looks at the ceiling, making a silent prayer to be strong enough to handle this situation.

—

Hinata finally lands in Tokyo, and the Karasuno quintet is reunited after three years separated. For the occasion, they all go to Kageyama’s place who offered they all stay at his place for a few days since the party for Hinata’s return would take place there anyway. Hinata’s first glance at Hitoka is friendly, affectionate, and simply Hinata. He looks like he forgot their bodies ever were tangled in bedsheets and sees her as Yachi-san, the club’s manager, his friend, exactly what she’s been to him for years and she will continue to be. She ignores it in favor of watching her friends banter and laugh like they always do when they’re all together.

“It’s actually well-decorated. You impress me, King.” Tsukishima, in a very Tsukishima way, compliments Kageyama’s interior and he is right. It’s big, modern, with pieces of arts hanging on the walls and a magnificent view of Tokyo’s skyline. Kageyama only frowns and growls a “ _why did that sound like an insult_ ” that goes ignored by Tsukishima. Despite everything, Yachi feels like home.

“Yeah he’s right, it looks much better than your old apartment Kageyama! Power curry money is big money I see.” Hinata keeps teasing him like he always do and Yamaguchi wholeheartedly laughs.

“Am I the only one who’s seen your place before? It’s not even so new, you’ve been living here for like a year and a half now.” Hitoka remarks and Hinata almost breaks his neck as he turns so quick to give her a look that she can’t and doesn’t want to decipher.

“I’ve only had you over since I bought it.” Kageyama’s brevity doesn’t seem to improve the misunderstanding growing between the squad. Tsukishima is looking through the window and apparently refuses to participate in the conversation, while Yamaguchi is uncontrollably giggling and coughing although Kageyama is simply stating that she is his only friend from Karasuno who’s been to Tokyo the past 18 months and that Kageyama, in his kindness, offered her to stay so she didn’t have to pay for a hotel.

“Okay.” Hinata says, clapping his hands together and insisting on the vowels. “Who’s coming to my party?”

—

It’s not a big party per say, but there are enough people to instill anxiety in Hitoka. She’s used to be around tall and handsome men, thanks to three years of managing a volleyball team, but she still doesn’t do well with big crowds. She sees familiar faces, people she’s interacted with in the past, people she knows only because she saw them on TV, others she doesn’t know or simply doesn’t remember. Hinata is nowhere to be found as he very eagerly disappeared into the sea of people. He always loved the thrill that comes from parties, something Hitoka wishes she could feel. Miwa, Kageyama’s older sister, leaves her side when she sees someone she knows to hug them and Hitoka is all by herself, drinking a (her third) Margarita. Contrary to popular belief, she likes to drink from time to time and no, she isn’t a light-weight. She finds a comfortable place on a luxury grey sofa and pays extra attention not to drop her drink on it. A heavy thump almost ruins her plan, the alcohol ending up on her jean skirt instead of the sofa fabric.

“Yacchan! I’m sorry!” Bokuto apologies (screams), “I didn’t see you there.”

“I’m having déjà vu. It’s okay, Bokuto-san. No harm done.” She honestly smiles. She can’t be mad at Bokuto, not even for a second. She’s always liked the brightness of his eyes and his relaxed demeanor. He easies her nerves just sitting besides her and she truly adores him, although she never told him that. Maybe she should. One day. It’s nothing romantic, it’s simply platonic adoration, a little like how she felt (and still feels) towards Kiyoko, Tanaka Saeko, and Beyoncé.

“Why do you look so sad?” Bokuto asks raising an eyebrow and sipping on scotch. “Hinata’s back. Isn’t he like your high school best friend or something?”

“Or something.” She lets the words slip, and she’s met with a “huh” coming from Bokuto. She likes that she never pushes her to talk, and just sits there in comfortable silence, which is weird for Bokuto Kotaro but immensely appreciated by Hitoka. She gulps down her drink, some liquid courage, to finally talk after a few minutes without saying a word.

“Do you like someone?” Her question catches the volleyball player off guard. He giggles awkwardly but answers anyways.

“I do. And I know that look, I wore it for _years._ I think you’ve been wearing it for a while, too.” He says and her heart rate increases exponentially. Is she that obvious about her feelings for Hinata?

“I- How do you.. stop wearing that look?”

“You confess. I know it’s scary, but Yacchan confessing your feelings is a great pressure reliever wether they return them or not. At least it’s done and either you get yourself a relationship, or you move on. I don’t think it’s healthy to pretend you’re ok when you’re sitting with no one but an empty glass and an oversized owl at a party with the person you like having fun unknowing of your feelings.” She looks at him wide-eyed. She never took Bokuto for someone dumb or anything of the sort, she simply wasn’t expecting him to say such wise words to her that might actually be the kick in the ass she needs to act upon her feelings for Hinata.

“Oh my God, you’re right.”

“I know!! I’m always right!!!”

—

It’s almost daylight when Hitoka emerges from the guest room she shares with Yamaguchi (Tsukishima and Hinata share one. Kageyama’s apartment is huge like that.) She barely slept, her mind is just too full of thoughts of Hinata and feelings. She takes a glass of water in the kitchen and sits on the counter, her feet not touching the floor. She hears movements and then she sees a silhouette she’d recognize anywhere. Hinata is here, shirtless, his hair untamed. He is sexy and handsome and Yachi wants to run her hands and mouth all over his body.

“Oh. hey.” He whispers and opens the fridge next to her, provoking her bare legs to shiver from the cold. He takes a bottle of orange juice and sits on the counter in front of her. The kitchen is large enough so they have space between them. His eyes lingers a few seconds on her legs and the shivers increase. It’s dark but she can see the perpetual glint of his eyes, like a beacon guiding lost ships. She feels her heart slamming against her chest and she’s not sure she will be able to shut her mouth, or if she even wants to.

“We didn’t have much time to talk.” Hinata stops her in her thoughts, his eyes locked on her. That’s how she knows she can’t escape this conversation. “How have you been, Yachi-san?”

“Everything’s fine. I’m fine. Work is fine.” She stutters on every word and the fresh glass of water can’t help her cool down anymore. Her skin is burning from the pressure and the desire and the love.

“That’s good to hear.” They stay silent for a while, not looking at each other. Or maybe Hinata’s looking at her, but she doesn’t dare looking up from her feet. “You stopped returning my calls and texting back so… abruptly.” His voice echoes in the room and she feels so small and cornered and she hates it. She hates because what he’s saying is true and she has no idea what’s going to happen when this conversation ends and she is an anxious mess who overthinks everything.

“I’ve been busy.” She briefly says and it doesn’t sit well with Hinata who stands up from his spot a good meter away from her and is now standing so close, too close.

“Me too, Yachi-san. And I still managed to keep in touch with everyone. _Everyone_ , but you. Why is that? Is it because of what happened before I went back to Brazil? Just tell me.” He’s so close that she can feel his hot breath on her skin and she thinks she can hear his heart beating fast beneath his chest.

“It’s… It’s because of what happened before you went back to Brazil. I…” She almost says she’s sorry, but she’s done apologizing. And he told her once she should stop apologizing all the damn time for things that weren’t her fault in the first place. Only this time, maybe this is her fault. Is it?

Hinata takes a step back and breathes deeply, before he comes close once again and takes cups her face with both of his hands. “Yachi.” The lack of the honorific increases her heart beats. “I miss you. All the time.” He leans down and their lips are millimeters away to touch, “I’m so sorry for leaving you.” Their lips touch for a second, but it was enough to send Yachi on the moon. She pulls him back in for a deeper and heated kiss, her hands buried in his sunlight locks, his own hands around her waist. Their bodies are pressed together and she needs more of him, so she spreads her legs to make space for Hinata and she locks them around him. They both softly moan at the sudden contact. They make out until they’re both out of breath, and Hitoka wants to scream at how dumb she is. she pushes him away from her and she hides her flushed face in her hands.

“What.. what’s going on? Are you hurt?” His voice is full of concerned but Hitoka doesn’t want any of it. She wants all of him, not just a make out session in Kageyama’s kitchen in the middle of the night, just so he can leave the country in a few weeks and not come back for years. Again.

“Yes, Hinata. For God’s sake can’t you see that I’m hurt all the time? I’m fucking hurt, it just… it’s.. I don’t want this. Not like that.” She doesn’t even care that she’s not whispering anymore, she doesn’t care that the others might hear them. She doesn’t care about any of it, she only cares about not having it all and hurting and getting it out of her chest.

“You’re not making much sense. I’m willing to talk but you need to calm down.” He carefully says and she shoots him a glare that shuts him up.

“You don’t get to tell me to calm down, Shouyou.” His name rolling off her tongue tastes weird but excellent. She shakes the thought out of her mind, “You are the reason I’m hurt. You come back, you fuck me in my bed and tell me I’m your favorite cardigan that you never get tired of wearing and then you leave me behind. You always leave me behind. You never put me first. It’s always volleyball, your rivalry with Kageyama and now the whole wide world. Brazil. You never get enough of any of it but it’s so easy for you to forget about me and how I feel.” She’s not sitting anymore, she’s at Hinata’s face, an accusatory finger pressed against his chest. He doesn’t say a word.

“But you know what, maybe it’s my fault. I should’ve grown a pair long ago and tell you how I felt instead of chasing you like chasing the clouds. You’re out of reach and it’s… I guess it’s ok, you know? I can’t force you to stay with me or to just love me back. It’s ok if I just keep loving you because I can’t stop, anyways. But please don’t make me believe things, don’t do things that make me feel like you love me back and that everything’s gonna be alright when it’s not true. If you have an ounce of respect and affection for me in your body, please don’t do that. I can’t take it anymore.”

She’s out of breath by the time she’s done, and the look on Hinata’s face doesn’t help pacifying her.

“I never knew you loved me. _Love_ me.” She stares at him and he presses soft lips against hers, once again. “I love you. I’ve been in love with you since high school, probably. I don’t know, I’ve felt like this forever and I thought.. I just didn’t know.” She’s rendered speechless.Hinata takes her hand and leads her to the couch in the living room. His hand is on her cheek, soothing the red skin.

“I don’t understand, Hinata. How could you not know I love you?” Her voice is a trembling mess, just like her body.

“You’ve never told me. I want all of you, if you allow me I’ll have all of you, body and soul. I love you that much. I love you enough for both of us.” You never stopped learning and, right now, Hitoka learns how much of a smooth talker Hinata is, but he doesn’t lie. Hinata is the most honest person she knows. He erases a tear falling on her face with a finger and places small kisses on her cheeks, nose, forehead, neck, and lips.

Hitoka laughs and the burden on her shoulders and hearts swiftly disappears. It was easier than she thought, to tell her feelings. And she thinks that maybe, maybe it’s not so hard either to have it all.

_“But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss, I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs. The smell of smoke would hand around this long, cause I knew everything when I was young._

_I knew I’d curse you for the longest time, chasing shadows in the grocery line. I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired, and you’d be standing in my front porch light._

_And i knew you’d come back to me._

_You’d come back to me._

_And you’d come back to me._

_And you’d come back.”_


End file.
